Into the void

Darkness around started too slowly but steadily envelope him, as he laid twisting and turning in that box like room, windowless and dark, he felt the insides of him burning and his outside felt the freezing winds from all four directions. His mind was not his anymore the very last of his possessions had been taken away from, taken away from a man who needed it most, from a man whose existence depended on it. But it was not his anymore. The hole in him grew too big, he was naked but his nakedness was not seen. It was clothed with darkness and layers and layers of personalities. Layers that had to be peeled off him like an onion in order for someone to get the slightest chance of knowing him. He was hidden now, hidden far too deep in the jungles of his actions and characters, far too deep far too well, this had worked out for him but now there was a hitch. He had forgotten where he had over the years knowingly and unknowingly hid himself. He genius had deceived himself. He was well hid, well protected from the arrows and blades of reality, he was well too hid.

Time seemed to be his biggest enemy. Time had a nasty way of playing with people and their minds, such games were too expensive for him, he didn’t have much of his mind to spare.

A master was he from childhood at the game of hide and seek, too smart, too unpredictably too fast. The secret was to hide fast, hide close to the seeker and hide in some obvious place, a place so obvious that he wouldn’t be found. That was something he had done with his life too. He hid fast from the rising blades that surrounded him, he hid close but distanced himself, and he hid himself with the most obvious choices. Hiding as a grown up made his life momentarily easier. Every time he felt depressed, gulp. When lonely, gulp. Tired same thing, gulp. It was his perfect and foolproof solution. What he did not know was that hide and seek the game he played left a hole in him, a hole that now controlled him. He hid thinking after all it was a dog eat dog world out there.

All his attempts of filling the hole in him ended with defeat. He knew that the hole in him would never ever let him feel whole again. That was the day he began losing something he had possessed all his life. Something that was his life, something that was his being, something that gave his being a meaning, a meaning and a purpose, he was now turning into a vegetable.

The night he lay down burning inside while freezing outside in that dark box shaped room watched over by phantoms that surrounded and overwhelmed him, he knew that dawn was something that was too expensive for him. As each second went by on that dark night as the arms of the clock kept rushing steadily forward the hole in him grew, darkness grew in him, he was being emptied, he was turning into something, something that was just void. His eyes opened, but his memory didn’t. The hole which he formed in him kept growing; he as a person kept shrinking, diminishing. All he could do was embrace his fate.

As he kept disappearing into the night, in some strange place, a stranger, miles away saw love personify. She held her baby in her hand, eyes sparkling, caressing the tender skin of her infant and smiled. Miles back in that dark box like room he saw something come to life from within, death. He caressed the griping hands of his emptiness that came to empty what was left of him and stared aimlessly into the void. Eyes not sparkling, but rather empty.